There are certain phrases that we hear and expect to go a certain way. Much in the same way, there are certain things in life that lead use to expect other things to follow them. Because of these facts I decided to twist the phrase "aimless wandering" in the title to try to find a way to describe the unfulfilled expectations currently existing in my life.
Life has taught me that it is reasonable to expect to be told what steps to take when someone else places a goal in front of you. It seems that right now, this is another one of those times where God is not following the rules we play by down here on earth.
I have felt a very distinct calling from God to a certain profession. Namely, I feel that God wants me to be a pastor. That much is clear to me. However the steps I need to take from where I'm at to get there are not clear to me at all. I don't know if I should go to seminary, or not. Nor do I know which seminary I would go to if I did go. I'm not sure where I should go to get the training and preparation I need to serve as a pastor. I really haven't had the strongest connections to any church or denomination over the past 4 to 6 years because I've been a student in two different states. In that time it's been difficult for me to find a church that I could call home.
The church I grew up in has been changing a lot and no loger feels like home. In my time in Minneapolis I attended somewhere between 5-10 different churches with varying degrees of regularity in an effort to try to find a place to settle in. Thus far in Champaign-Urbana I've attended a minimum of 4 different churches. I can't seem to find a place that's doing ministry in such a way that I can truly settle in and join in with their ministry. Maybe that's simply because God is calling me to be a pastor because he's calling me to do ministry in a way that's not being done, and that's why I can't find it.
I'm trying to figure out which organizations/churches/denominations might have ministry going on that is close to what God is calling me to, but it's very hard to find such information. I've found one organization that seems to be doing ministry the way I feel God calling me to. However their US base is in Minneapolis and I don't live there anymore. I attended their church, and wish I had gotten more plugged in. But I didn't find out about that church until shortly before I was done with my degree, and it was also a logisitcal nightmare to work their services into my busy schedule.
At this point I'm trying to be patient and prayerful about all of this. I'm great at one of those two, and anyone who knows me would be able to tell you which one I suck at. So I'm praying a lot and trying very hard to keep my eyes and ears peeled for the next time God decides to give me more direction.
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