Faults, Follies, and A New Year

I never really know how to feel about things like the coming of a new year, or my birthday. Both simply mark the passing of another year. I suppose in some way this makes these days significant. But personally, I can't stop myself from thinking that both are just another day, and when I wake up that morning I'm not in fact a year older but another day older. Each new day is just that, a new day. Life doesn't care what calendar year it is. Each day doesn't care how old we are, or as we said when we were young "how many" we are.

If I had 23 digits I would still say, "I'm this many." Proudly holding up whatever 23 digits I had do display my age when someone inquired about that number. But that is completely irrelevant.

To quote Akron/Family: "Last year was a hard year for such a long time. This year's gonna be ours."

The first half of that phrase has a particularly painful level of truth for me as we reach the end of our calendar this time around. But I'm going to do my best to make sure that the second half has a particularly exciting level of truth in the coming year. I intend to really take ownership of my life this coming year. I am going to take back the control that I lost, and I am going to use each day as an opportunity to make progress toward being the man I should be.

I suppose, for me at least, that's about the only reason I still celebrate the new year, or my birthday, at all, because they provide us with a (relatively arbitrary) reference point to use as motivation to make the future better.

There's no real reason that the end of December 31, and beginning of Jan 1 each year should provide us with any further motivation to be a better person in the future than the end of any day that ends in "y" and the beginning of the next. I can't explain why the change of the calendar year, or adding one more to our "this many" makes us rethink the way we're living any more than any other time of year. But it does, so I'll just accept that. I won't be making any new year's resolutions this year, just as I haven't for at least the last five if not longer.

However this year I'm going to make what I guess I'll call a "Y" resolution. On any day that ends in "Y" I am going to put in the effort to be a better me than I was on the previous day.

I know there will be days where I screw this up. But on the bright side, when I screw up that just makes it easier to fulfill the resolution the next day. There's no excuse to give up on this one, because each day the goal is different. Each day is a new day, and a new opportunity to get it right. Each day will provide me with a new and interesting challenge. There's no reason to get bored with this one. My schedule can't get too busy to be a better person than I was the day before. (Although it will probably get too busy to stick to any sort of diet and exercise plan that might add muscle mass to my body.)

Another plus side to the "Y" resolution is there's not a specific quantity that can be attached to it. There's no way to say I'm going to be five units better of a human being, like people say when they resolve to use five pounds. The only measuring stick is the previous day, and no matter how big or small the step, any step towards being a better man is progress.

The other thing about the "Y" resolution is that it isn't connected to any calendar year. This isn't something I intend to do only in 2010, nor is it something I stop on New Year's any time in the future. This is something I'm committing myself to do until I don't have any more days that end in "Y" to try.

I am going to be me, and become a better me, and I think that's all we can ask of any human being.

So I'll leave you with some lyrics and a link to a fan video on youtube that will show you the lyrics to a song that I'm sure will become a bit of an anthem for me in this pursuit. (Catch the link at the end of the post)

"When I was young the smallest trick of light could catch my eye.

Then life was new and every new day I thought that I could fly.

I believed in what I hoped for, and I hoped in things unseen.

I had wings and dreams could soar. I just don't feel like flying anymore.

When the stars threw down their spears, watered heaven with their tears,

Before words were spoken, before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you.

Your strength my heart to mend.

I want to fly higher every new day again.

When I was small the furthest I could reach was not so high.

Then I thought the world was so much smaller, feeling that I could fly.

Through the distant deeps and skies, beyond infinity,

below the face of heaven, he stoops to create me.

Dear Father, I need you.

Your strength my heart to mend.

I want to fly higher every new day again.

Man versus himself

Man versus machine

Man versus the world

Mankind versus me

The struggles go on

The wisdom I lack

The burdens keep piling

up on my back

So hard to breathe

to take the next step

The mountain is high

I wait in the depths

Yearning for grace

and hoping for peace

Dear God,

Increase.

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.

Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.

Freedom means love without condition, without beginning or an end.

Here's my heart, let it be forever yours

Only you can make every new day seem so new."

- Five Iron Frenzy: Every New Day